Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
