just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
