In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
