If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
