Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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