I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
