My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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