i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
