dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
handjob tips. give me some.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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