You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His nipple licking is glorious
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