Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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