Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
