I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
