my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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