If that was your dad, he is hot
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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