big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
