dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
