Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
