Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
