Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
