I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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