I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
