i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
