based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize