so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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