I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
