guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
