he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
