im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
