It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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