Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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