What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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