I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
