if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
