ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
