So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
