So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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