your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
