You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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