I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize