so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
