I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
