Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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