Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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