just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
