I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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