Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
