We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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