How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
