omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
