Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
