No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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