I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
