She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
