i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
