I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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