I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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