the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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