all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
