i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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