So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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