"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
