Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
