I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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