pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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