Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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