My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
