it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize