just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
