I can tuck mytits in my pants
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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