You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
