I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
