I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
