We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
