Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
