eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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