Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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