More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
