Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
