What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
