i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
