you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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