I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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