I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
