She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
