My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
