im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
