My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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