grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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