I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
