I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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