Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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