i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize