i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
