Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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