Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Acid is not a monday night drug
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
