Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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