I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
