So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
