hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
