to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
