She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize