i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
soo... how was my night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
